Smooth Traffic on the Two-Way Street

A survey has shown that most people fear speaking in public more than dying. For the schoolteacher, another fear may top even public speaking: confronting parents about a problem in school. And often parents feel the same way about approaching teachers. Confrontations can seem like a dangerous highway. But parent-teacher talks can be beneficial and enjoyable when they follow these principles.

Teacher Traffic Guidelines

Responsibility for Training

The first thing to understand is this biblical principle: God gives parents the responsibility of educating their children. Even with the shortcomings that parents may have, God wants them to be in charge of their children’s learning experiences.

Parents know their child better than anyone else does. They want what is best for their child, regardless of what may seem to come out in surface conversations. All parents have hopes and dreams for their children and a desire for them to have a good life. Sometimes tension between parents and teachers arises when parents have their ‘protection antennae’ up. But a teacher who acknowledges the parents’ rights and obligations can diffuse that tension quickly.

Humility

A teacher who can put the child’s interest first and is big enough to admit when he is wrong will go a long way toward reaching positive solutions. The goal of the teacher should be to develop a satisfied customer. Being a professional, he is the one who should step back, exert a calming influence, and offer assurance that he and the parents will arrive at a good solution.

When a teacher takes a learning posture regarding the student in question, the parents begin to trust him and will be freer with their own concerns. They will see the teacher as a source of help rather than as an adversary.

Resource Role

The teacher should see himself as a resource for parents in their God-given mission to train their children in the way they should go. Sometimes the teacher is a counselor, helping the parent make a proper analysis of the child’s talents and abilities. Sometimes he is a listener, willing to discover some attributes about the child that he did not know before. Sometimes he is a problem solver, working with parents to find resources and explore ideas that will help the child.

At all times, teachers must help parents remember that objectivity is necessary, that a positive approach alleviates tension, and that realistic expectations are essential.

Parent Traffic Guidelines

Objectivity

Parents must make a conscious effort to be objective about their children. They must always try to get all the information about a situation at school before making judgments about what is going on. It is important to get the facts, to look at them impartially. Parents can try to see clearly their child’s strengths and weaknesses by observing, for example, the ways the child learns.

• Does he struggle with direct verbal instruction?

• Does he need considerable concrete help and hands-on instruction before he understands?

• Does he have trouble staying on track throughout a task?

• Is he easily bored with detail?

• How much help does he need with schoolwork as well as with assigned tasks at home?

A log of such observations will show some patterns and developmental behaviors, helping parents realize what kind of assistance their child may need.

Positive Approach

It is important for parents to approach the teacher and school officials in a positive manner and to focus on the major rather than on the minor. The grading of one paper is not worth a confrontation. If parents are continually being surprised, though, it is probably time for a conference.

No teacher should be offended when a parent says that he is noticing some problems and wants to know what can be done to get things back on track. Parents also need to keep their goals for their children in perspective. The fact that a child is struggling somewhat in grade school, for example, does not indicate he will not be accepted into college.

Realistic Expectations

Because of their desire for their children to succeed, parents often feel threatened and anxious when their children are not living up to certain standards and expectations. Some of these expectations may be unrealistic, and some goals misguided, which can create friction. If, for instance, parents insist that their child must attend a specific prominent college, anything that gets in the way of that goal becomes a battleground.

Christian parents need to examine their child’s abilities, form realistic goals, encourage their children, and bring all the available resources to bear on helping the child to succeed. Most of all, parents need to seek the wisdom of God in helping their children find His will for their lives.

The Rules of the Road

When it comes to getting together to solve problems for students, no teacher or parent need have reservations. Emotionally charged confrontations can be turned into positive meetings of the mind if all parties follow a basic biblical principle: "a soft answer turneth away wrath." Approach a confrontation with a humble spirit. Have a teachable attitude. Quickly admit mistakes and seek forgiveness. By God’s grace, the time teachers and parents spend together will develop into a mutually respectful relationship—a safe, pleasant and efficient two-way street.

Reprinted from Teacher to Teacher, Volume 5, Issue 3.

Used with permission from BJU Press. For permission to reproduce this article, please write BJU Press.