On Becoming Real

Image of a toy rabbit

When looking over a group of teachers, an experienced eye can detect three types. The easiest to spot are the rookies. Full of idealism and enthusiasm, they are eager to be part of edifying young lives. What newcomers may lack in experience, they usually make up for with hustle.

The other two categories can be derived from Margery Bianco's well-loved children's story, The Velveteen Rabbit.

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day.

“Real isn't how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn't happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”

Toy and Real: These are categories for those no longer rookies. Remember your student days? Some of your teachers fit into the toy category. They knew lots of information and attempted to give it out, but they did not know how to give themselves.

But remember the real ones? Your life was enriched and forever changed by knowing them. You want to be like them. But what is involved in Becoming Real? As Skin Horse pointed out, the process includes being loved. It also includes being hated.

Before you ever meet some students, they consider you the bad guy. You are an authority figure, and just like the guy wearing stripes on the athletic field, it does not matter how you call it. They will yell at you either way.

Teachers who get to know students discover lives infected by deep bitterness and resentment. The nearer you get to the source of pain, the more likely these students are to lash out at you.

Also, people ignore the biblical principle of sowing and reaping. When you give poor grades or punish inappropriate behavior, students (and often their parents) want you to change the rules or the consequences. If you follow through and give them what they deserve, expect the heat. In the long run, they will respect you. And respect still precedes love.

By necessity, most teachers learn to deal with animosity from students and their parents. However, teachers are devastated when sideswiped by those within their own ranks. When coworkers are creating the heat, many decide it is time to leave the kitchen.

But consider these other responses.

  1. Follow Christ's example. When people are yelling at you, avoiding you, writing you mean letters, glaring at you, bashing your reputation, consider the actions of the centurions and the mob at Calvary—beating, mocking, and crucifying Christ. Yet He said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”
  2. Deal with it biblically. According to Matthew 5:24, reconciliation is more important to God than worship. If a person is antagonistic to you, no matter who is the cause of the antagonism, Scripture is clear that you are responsible to go to him (Matthew 5:23-24, 18:15; Luke 17:3). The Scripture gives us no recourse but to approach the person or people involved and to work through the difficulty.
  3. Take full advantage of the refining times. Thank God that Philippians 1:6 is happening. Some of the criticism may be deserved. Evaluate yourself. Humble yourself. Confess what needs confessing to all involved. Do not defend yourself. That is God's job. Your job is to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:10-21).
  4. Follow Paul's example. Remember what happened when Paul preached to the people of Lystra? They stoned him. Paul did not leave. He stood up, bruised and bleeding, and went back to Lystra.
  5. Hope in your God. The preacher was right: “This too shall pass.” Everything has its season. The tide of animosity will turn. Faithfully, joyfully weather the storm.

Your students need a teacher who is like the Skin Horse. “He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by and by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys and would never turn into anything else.” If you find your hair getting thin, your joints getting loose, or you are feeling rather shabby, remember—it's all part of the process of becoming. And “once you are Real, you can't be ugly.”

About Esther Wilkison

Esther has a BS in Elementary Education and a MA in Biblical Counseling. Her teaching experience spans a wide ability and age range in both classroom and home settings. Esther also writes educational support materials and travels as the National Consultant for BJU Press.