Has the Root of Bitterness Defiled Your School?

Walter G. Fremont, Ed.D., and Trudy M. Fremont, M.S.

A root of bitterness springing up in the Christian school can defile many people (Hebrews 12:15). It can spread to the church and affect many individuals and families. Eventually it has potential to destroy the ministry. Many years ago a pastor of a large church decided to hire a new principal who would restore order and discipline and enforce the standards of the church’s large Christian school. The discipline of the school had deteriorated to the point where most students were defiant to authority and worldly. The dress and behavior standards were being openly violated. During his first year the new principal denied reenrollment to 100 students and put an additional 75 students on probation. He also applied the penalties that were set by the board, an action that resulted in the dismissal of 80 students. Two money-conscious school board members believed that the new principal was too strict. They got the ears of several teachers and the parents of a few students who had been disciplined and actively worked against the principal. The dissention turned into bitterness, and soon it spread to the church. The pastor and the deacon board supported the principal. As a consequence of the bitterness, the school enrollment dropped from 1,200 to 600, and about one-fourth of the church members left the church.

Bitterness

Bitterness resulting from unresolved anger is probably the most common root sin in the average Christian’s life. Everyone is susceptible to it. Bitterness is a sin that interferes with a person’s intimate relationship with God through Christ. It can destroy happiness and prevent a Christian from carrying out God’s will in his daily life. Authority figures, especially parents, are the major targets of bitterness, followed by husbands or wives and brothers and sisters.

Unresolved Anger

Bitterness can be defined as a continual anger response coupled with an unforgiving spirit toward people who the bitter person believes have violated his rights. It is resentment based on discontentment, which leads to prolonged anger and a desire to get revenge, with no attempt at genuine reconciliation.

There are four types of anger.

Protecting anger is a defense against an unjust aggressor or threatening situation. This type of anger causes adrenaline to be released and helps a person to flee, to fight, or to perform heroic deeds against the threat.
Righteous indignation is anger that advances God’s righteousness and, on behalf of others, is directed at unrighteousness or injustice. A classic example of this anger is Jesus’ cleansing of the temple (Mark 11:15-17). Jesus did not sin, but He was angry because the Pharisees were desecrating His Father’s temple through their merchandising. He was also angry about their exploitation of the pilgrims who traveled long distances to worship and were met by unscrupulous temple merchants or "thieves" as Jesus called them. He was angry enough to overturn their tables and flog them. He was angry with the Pharisees as well as with the scribes for false teaching, which was leading many to hell (Matthew 23:13-15).
Another person who displayed righteous indignation was Martin Luther, who could not stand the religious abuses of the Catholic Church. Luther’s anger was directed at unrighteousness and injustice; he was not self-serving but was advancing God’s righteousness.
A parallel in our day would be righteous indignation at the killing of a million and a half babies every year or the invasion of pornography on TV and into our communities.
Unfocused anger is anger that occurs at the slightest provocation. It is most often displayed by children in the form of temper tantrums or sulking from any kind of frustration. In adults, unfocused anger often results from unresolved anger against a mother or father and transfers to other people. Sometimes it is a result of accumulated anger at frustrations to which the person did not react properly, and one incident can break the dam (Proverbs 17:14).
Specific or focused anger is anger that results from the violation of one’s rights, or imagined rights, and is directed at people, organizations, or even God. This focused anger may be a result of injustice or humiliation, usually verbal.

Scripture says to be angry and sin not. Anger becomes a sin in three different ways: (1) when it is held overnight (Ephesians 4:26-27); (2) if the immediate reaction is an ungodly response, such as physical violence or angry words (Proverbs 29:22); and (3) if one gives place to the devil by remembering hurts and storing them for future revenge (Romans 12:17-21).

Signs That Anger Is Becoming Bitterness

Self-pity or a wounded spirit
Saying "It's not fair."
Refusing to thank God for a difficult situation
A caustic, critical, sarcastic attitude
Being easily offended
Holding a grudge or keeping a list of complaints against a person or organization over a long period of time
Wishing that someone would experience retribution or judgment
Being extremely negative about a person or organization every time the name is brought up in conversation

There are several general principles that apply to the problem of bitterness.

God desires, honors, and blesses unity among the brethren; and bitterness destroys this unity. Christians should always work toward unity within the framework of Bible doctrine if they want to serve the Lord effectively and do God’s will. Psalm 133:1 indicates that it is very pleasant "for brethren to dwell together in unity." And verse 3 says that the Lord will commend His blessing to those who dwell together in unity. To dwell in unity with others, one must first have a united heart to fear the Lord (Psalm 86:11). That means that he must not have sin in his life, especially the sins of bitterness, hatred, and malice. Sin shatters the unity and the fellowship of the saints and fellowship with God (I John 1:5-9).

Love is a cohesive factor that binds Christians together in unity and fellowship. Christians are taught of God to love one another, as stated in I Thessalonians 4:9: "But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another." As one increases in love, his heart is established "unblamable in holiness before God" (I Thessalonians 3:12-13). Anything that works against this love is sin.

First Corinthians 1:9-10 indicates that unity is God’s desire for Christian brethren and the Church. The same idea is given in Philippians 2:2-5. Christians should "be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind" (vs. 2). This unity is best accomplished by a person’s heeding the admonition in verses 3-5: "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." The book of Ephesians details God’s desire for unity. God calls for Christians to forbear one another in love so that there will be a unity within the body of Christ (Ephesians 4:2-6).

Bitterness is like a weak thread running through a beautiful tapestry of Christian unity. When it causes a break and our relationships begin to unravel, we then attempt to patch things up instead of repenting and eliminating the bitterness.

Ungodly anger which leads to bitterness can be learned through imitation. Proverbs gives this warning: "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul" (22:24-25). Be careful that any angry spouse, parent, friend, or fellow worker does not influence you to sin because of his anger or bitterness.

The discipline of control is necessary to keep the natural anger that all possess and exhibit from becoming sinful bitterness. Control of one’s spirit is essential for a Spirit-filled, stable Christian life (Proverbs 14:29; 16:32; 19:11; 25:28; 29:11). Many people defend their outbursts by saying that they felt angry and did not want to hold the anger in because of the internal damage it might do to the body. However, the scriptural instruction is to control feelings, not vent them: "Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil" (Psalm 37:8). Studies have concluded that venting anger is rarely beneficial. It usually reinforces and increases present anger and serves as a rehearsal of future angry episodes.

A Christian is to be slow to anger and quick to get rid of the anger by handling it in a biblical way. James admonishes: "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God" (James 1:19-20). Many problems between Christians, in families, and in churches would never occur if Christians were diligent in following this principle. Jesus gives four ways for preventing anger in Luke 6:27-28. (1) "Love your enemies." (2) "Do good to them which hate you." (3) "Bless them that curse you." (4) "Pray for them which despitefully use you." This is just the opposite from how the world thinks and acts. He sums up the four points in verse 31: "As ye would that men would do to you, do ye also to them likewise." Two choice examples of how to handle unjust aggressors properly are Christ on the cross ("Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34) and Stephen as he is martyred ("And he kneeled down, and cried with a loud voice, Lord, lay not this sin to their charge." Acts 7:60).

Gossip is a means of exhibiting bitterness, expanding it, and transmitting it to others. Donna Eder at Indiana University did a study of preteens’ and teenagers’ conversation patterns and found that the second negative remark about a person seemed to set a nasty pattern of condemnation. Apparently a word of agreement is all it takes to give the impression of group consensus. She found that no one ever challenged an evaluation that had been seconded. However, if the second remark were a challenge to the initial negative evaluation, the pattern of the conversation was changed.

A bitter person is the one who suffers the unhappiness, frustration, and misery of his own unresolved anger. The target of the bitterness usually is not aware of or has forgotten the incident that caused the hurt feelings. Bitterness handcuffs one negatively to a perceived enemy. Plotting and planning revenge keeps one from using the key of forgiveness, which would bring freedom.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a key to solving bitterness between individuals and groups of people. There are several principles of forgiveness that will resolve anger before it turns into a root of bitterness that defiles many people.

Settle differences and hurt feelings in a Christlike manner rather than letting "the sun go down on your wrath" (Ephesians 4:22). Second-day anger is caused by a review of the previous day’s anger incident. The imagination adds false details and motives, which lead to thoughts of vengeance and becomes bitterness. Vengeance or the desire to get even is the heart of bitterness.
Repentance with asking for and giving forgiveness is the only way to peace and fellowship (Matthew 18:15-17). The offended person should go to the offender and resolve the offensive situation or remark. If this does not produce a resolution, then take one or two with you to try to settle the matter. If the offender will not get it resolved, the offended one needs to take it to the church. If a person has offended a brother or has been offended, that person needs to go to the brother and settle the matter before he worships (Matthew 5:23-24).
Forgiveness, reconciliation, peace, and fellowship are conditional depending on the offender’s repenting (Luke 17:3).This is also true of God’s fellowship and forgiveness (I John 1:9). However, a spirit of forgiveness is maintained as the offended believer, through prayer, immediately releases the penalty of the offense (the desire to get even) to God and decides not to dwell on or even think about the offenses (Mark 11:25; Romans 12:19).
Forgiveness must always be given no matter how often the offense occurs (Luke 17:3-4) or how weak the character of the offending party. Although you may think the apology is insincere and the offense may occur again very soon, you must still forgive the person who asks for forgiveness. Christians must forgive because they have been forgiven by God for extreme trespasses (Ephesians 4:31-32) and because God will forgive them as they forgive others (Matthew 6:14-15).

Bitterness, fueled by an unforgiving spirit, is the chain that binds one to the post of past unpleasantness and sin. Every time someone rattles the chain by mentioning the person or situation, the imaginative memory adds to the chain. Forgiveness is the only way to break the chain and gain release.

Teaching your students and modeling the principles listed above can prevent many relationship problems from arising and eventually blossoming into a root of bitterness that can defile many. It will also prepare your students to properly handle future relationships in the workplace, in their church, and in their marriage. Whatever the relationship we have with another person and whatever the circumstance of our situation, we need to heed the admonition of Hebrews 12:15. Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.

For this article, excerpts have been taken from Chapter 10 of the book Becoming an Effective Christian Counselor by Walter and Trudy Fremont, Bob Jones University Press, 1996.

Reprinted from Balance, a publication of the School of Education, Bob Jones University. Used with permission of Bob Jones University. Please write BJU Press, for permission to reproduce this article.